Newslatrine

Author: JKR

  • Sadhus to resume Kumbh as ‘farmers protest’ to get media support and escape Covid

    Sadhus to resume Kumbh as ‘farmers protest’ to get media support and escape Covid

    HARIDWAR: Sadhus belonging to various Akharas have decided to resume the Kumbh Mela even as the second wave of Coronavirus pandemic rages on. However, to escape criticism and media focus, Sadhus have decided to call the Kumbh Mela a ‘farmers protest’. They will gather at the river Ganga purportedly to protest against the recently passed farm bills.

    “We had voluntarily called of Kumbh as the second wave was rising, but we saw thousands of farmers arriving from Punjab at Delhi borders after that, and no one was bothered,” Mahant Ramdas, a sadhu belonging to Joona Akhara explained why Sadhus decided to cancel their old decision of calling off Kumbh early.

    Punjab has seen the UK variant of the Chinese virus, which spreads really fast and has also been reported to be deadlier than the one seen during the first wave last year. However, no one criticized thousands of people arriving from Punjab in Delhi, which is battling shortage of hospital beds and oxygen cylinders. Media pretended as if no crowd was building up near Delhi.

    Sadhus knew what to do next.

    “It is clear that any crowd that opposes Modi can not spread coronavirus, hence we have decided to turn Kumbh into an anti-Modi event, so that we get international media support and no one calls us super-spreaders,” Mahant Ramdas revealed.

    Kumbh will resume this Thursday and thousands of Sadhus will take part in it wearing turbans and carrying some agricultural tools like shovels and tractors. One tractor will be drowned in the Ganga river too. The said tractor will be branded ‘Modi ka tractor’ to attract unqualified support from rationalists and intellectuals.

    “A public relations expert named Sagarika Guha is helping us. She had suggested that we also offer Friday prayers at Kumbh on Eid, as it could get us even more support, but Akharas have decided to stick only to blasting Modi,” Mahant Ramdas told Junta Ka Reporter editor Mofat Javed over phone.

    It should be noted that Mr. Javed was wearing a double mask even while on the phone as Hindu Sadhus are known to be super-spreaders. We checked the Oxygen saturation levels of Mr. Javed after the call was over and he was doing fine, praise be to Allah.

  • Patient dies after doctor prescribes ‘5 time namaaz’ for coronavirus, family undecided if hospital should be ransacked

    Patient dies after doctor prescribes ‘5 time namaaz’ for coronavirus, family undecided if hospital should be ransacked

    AURANGABAD: Family members and community leaders of Baburpura were deeply divided if they should break furniture and glasses of RML Hospital after a local resident died in the hospital.

    Ransacking hospitals and attacking doctors after a patient’s death is a widely popular form of paying tribute to the departed soul in the region, but doctors and staff at RML hospital were shell shocked to witness no such activity even after 5 hours of a patient passing away.

    “We have been wearing helmets instead of surgical masks for 5 hours now, expecting them to go full crazy and start hitting us anytime. But I can’t believe our luck! Not even a notebook has been torn by them yet!” Dr. Ramesh Ambedkar shared his joy and bewilderment when our reporter reached out for comment.

    “But we are not taking any chances. They can still go on a rampage anytime. The dead boy is still lying in the hospital,” he added.

    Abdul Ahwad, a 56-year-old patient was admitted with symptoms of coronavirus on 10 April 2020, and his reports came positive two days later. He was admitted into the hospital though was not quarantined or kept in isolation.

    “The family was simply not ready to leave Abdul alone. They said they wanted to see for themselves if we are treating him well. We were just too afraid to offend or anger them,” Dr. Ambedkar, who is also the head doctor at the hospital, explained to Junta Ka Reporter why such a decision was taken.

    On 10th April itself, Abdul was prescribed “5 time namaaz” (pray to the almighty Allah five times in a day) by one of the resident doctors as “sharitya ilaaj” (guaranteed treatment) to all the ailments. No other medication or treatment was offered to Abdul. Abdul passed away on 20th April after offering namaaz 50 times.

    “I can not reveal the name of the doctor due to security concerns, and I can’t even say whether he did the right thing or wrong. Let us wait for at least 48 hours,” Dr. Ambedkar said adjusting his helmet.

    If sources are to be believed, Abdul’s family and friends are itching to break everything in the hospital, but they have held it back as it might be considered blasphemy.

    “We beat up doctors and damage hospital property after accusing them of not providing the best treatment or care, but if we do that now, we will be essentially saying that ‘5 times namaaz’ is not the best treatment. Astaghfirullah!” Abdul’s cousin Abdullah shared his predicament.

    Family has been consulting everyone to figure out what should be their next step. “Our young cousin Zainab Sikandar, who works in a PR agency in Delhi, is asking us to not waste even a minute and start beating up the doctors. She says that the prescription was a conspiracy by the doctor. We discussed with her on a video call just an hour back where she did ‘thoo on us’ for not beating up any doctor yet,” Abdullah revealed.

    “Don’t know why but she had asked us to wear saffron clothes while beating up the doctors. That was weird suggestion. Which is why we are not taking her seriously,” Abdullah further revealed.

    In contrast to youngster’s wild and energetic ideas, family elders are suggesting a more nuanced view on the whole situation in order to not commit a blasphemy, which could potentially lead themselves to get beaten up by others in the region.

    “Five times namaaz is the best medicine, there is no denying that. We can’t say that the doctors didn’t try their best. They didn’t even keep Abdul in quarantine where we could have accused them of trying to secretly poison him. We were allowed to freely cough here and there in the corridors too. So, we are yet to find a strong reason to start ransacking the hospital,” Sheikhuddin, a local community leader and family friend of Abdul said.

  • Kejriwal says Padmavati should have compromised, blasts Rajputs against movie

    Kejriwal says Padmavati should have compromised, blasts Rajputs against movie

    NEW DELHI : Delhi Chief Minister and leading film critic Arvind Kejriwal has finally broken his silence over the ongoing controversy around Padmavati – the upcoming movie about a Rajput queen, directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Kejriwal has come out in full support of Bhansali and criticized all the protesting Rajputs.

    “Delaying a movie release can’t be tolerated in any situation,” Kejriwal told in an exclusive interview to JKR founder-editor Mr. Javed.

    AAP supremo said that he was mentally prepared and ready to review the movie later next month, but now his work schedule is all screwed up because of Rajput leaders who protested against the movie, which allegedly led to movie release date being postponed.

    “Modi doesn’t allow me to work and Rajputs don’t allow me to watch movies,” Kejriwal shared his frustration.

    Responding to criticisms that Mahipal Singh Makrana, the person who threatened to cut the nose of Deepika Padukone – who plays the role of Queen Padmavati in the movie – was close to him and his party, Kejriwal said that past associations can’t be used to defame him.

    “We needed his support when that farmer committed suicide, but we don’t need his support now,” Kejriwal clarified, “But if he thinks he can cut nose of Deepika, he will have to first defeat me in a sword battle.”

    Kejriwal supports Deepika
    Left (Kejriwal with Makrana). Right (Kejriwal challenging Makrana for a fight over Deepika)

    Not just Makrana, Kejriwal blasted all Rajput leaders and activists protesting against the movie, and warned that once AAP makes government in Rajasthan in 2018 and then at center in 2019, all these leaders will be jailed.

    When JKR founder-editor Mr. Javed asked Arvind Kejriwal his views on ‘jauhar’, where Hindu women committed suicide by burning themselves alive in order to escape confronting Muslim invaders, Delhi Chief Minister said that his solution to women in such problem remains the same – compromise kar lo.

    “They should have given Shri Alauddin Khalji a chance,” Kejriwal said.

  • Pakistan threatens to cut diplomatic ties with India if CBI raids continue on NDTV

    Pakistan threatens to cut diplomatic ties with India if CBI raids continue on NDTV

    NEW DELHI: In a major blow to the Narendra Modi government, highly neutral and independent news broadcaster NDTV has started receiving international support even from sovereign republics over the issue of CBI raids. Among the first countries to speak up against this attack on press freedom is the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, which has issued a statement in support of NDTV.

    “The attempt by the government of India to supress free and neutral voices like NDTV worries our nation,” the statement released by Pakistan read, “The attack on innocent NDTV is in line with attacks on innocent Kashmiris and shows how India doesn’t value individual freedom and liberty.”

    Earlier, NDTV had received massive support from international media, from former employees and associates of the company, and from Arvind Kejriwal over CBI raids against channel founders Prannoy Roy and his wife Radhika Roy.

    The strongly worded statement by Pakistan has claimed that the CBI raids against NDTV founders were indicative of the trend that Hindu extremists were taking policy decisions, a trend that will destroy communal harmony in South Asia.

    Apart from strong condemnation, Pakistan also warned that it will cut off all diplomatic ties with India if the probe against NDTV’s alleged financial fraud was not scrapped. It further said that it will start lobbying with China and USA to put sanctions on India for this attack on press freedom.

    “India will be internationally isolated very soon. We would also refuse to play cricket with India and no Indian player will be allowed in PSL (Pakistan Super League),” warned Basit Ali, Pakistani High Commissioner to India talking exclusively to Junta Ka Reporter founder-editor Mofat Javed at an iftar party.

    The support from Pakistan is expected to be a big shot in arm for NDTV as Modi government is very careful and sensitive about international relations. Sources in the government say that Narendra Modi had already sent emails to US President Donald Trump requesting not to impose any sanctions without hearing India’s case.

    International experts too agree that this move by Pakistan has put the Narendra Modi government under tremendous pressure.

    “Pakistan’s image in the international community is that of a responsible republic and a strong condemnation by the country will have adverse impacts on India. We have already seen international media supporting NDTV, and international media’s opinions are the one that drive international relations,” Sadanand Dhume, a neutral expert told Junta Ka Reporter.

    NDTV has not officially reacted but sources say that the channel welcomes all support that strengthens press freedom in India and everywhere in the world.

  • Will molest the cow next time before killing it: Youth Congress

    Will molest the cow next time before killing it: Youth Congress

    KANNUR: After slaughtering a cow publicly to oppose the fascist agenda of cow slaughter, Youth Congress has decided to up the ante to combat communal forces and save democracy in India.

    Youth Congress, the intellectual arm of Congress party that takes members only below 50 years of age, had yesterday killed a cow in public view after Modi government passed orders banning sale of cattle for slaughter. Not only the outfit killed a cow publicly, they displayed the meat in open and had a beef party publicly.

    “We have to attack the root cause of the problem to fight fascism,” Kalluri Kalludi, treasurer of Youth Congress told Junta Ka Reporter, “The root cause is the cow. Hindus, who are 31% of Indian population, worship the animal, but want to impose their views on rest of the 69%. We can’t allow this!”

    Kalludi justified killing of the cow in public, saying the step will send a message to regressive Hindus that cow was not a god and it can be easily killed.

    “Once they are convinced that cow is not a god, they will stop worshiping it, and after that they will stop stopping others from killing it,” he explained.

    When this reporter pointed out that Rahul Gandhi, the ultimate youth leader in Congress, had condemned the incident, Kalludi said that it was a misinterpretation by the media.

    “Go read the tweet again; where does Rahul ji say that public killing of cow is condemned? You know, he is condemning the fact that we did not try enough. Merely killing the cow is not enough,” Kalludi claimed.

    Our reporter read the tweet, and it seems Kalludi was right:

    When asked what will he do next so that Rahul Gandhi is happy, Kalludi said that next time Youth Congress members will molest a cow before publicly killing it. They will also record a video of cow being molested and make it viral on social media with help from senior lawyers and journalists.

    “Hindus not only worship the animal, they consider it as their mother. Hindu sense of respect has to be attacked and weakened for strengthening secularism. We will molest the cow so that a strong message is sent that cow is not anyone’s mother or sister,” the Youth Congress treasurer said.

    The workers were searching Pakistani websites on how to molest a cow when reports last came in.

  • Threats and manipulations – how Republic TV managed to get 52% market share

    Threats and manipulations – how Republic TV managed to get 52% market share

    NEW DELHI: Television viewership data captured and measured by BARC (Broadcast Audience Research Council) India released today claimed that Arnab Goswami’s new news channel Republic TV was number one in the week following its launch on May 6, 2017.

    Not only the channel number one on All India basis over round the clock, it captured 52% of market share in cities with more than 1 million population and more than 60% share when Arnab Goswami was on air.

    The data shocked most people as Republic TV was believed to be being watched only by BJP supporters. General elections data prove that BJP supporters were just 31% of the population in 2014. Out of those 31% who voted BJP three years ago, at least 15% voters are now no longer with the Hindu party and support secular parties like AAP, which means the number of BJP supporters in the country in the last week was just 16%. In such a scenario, how did the channel get 52% market share?

    Junta Ka Reporter tried to look into this mystery and our investigations have thrown up shocking revelations over how Republic TV used illegal and criminal means to get such a high TRP.

    We got suspicious when a relative of our Editor in Chief shared the following postcard that he had received in March this year:

    Threat from Arnab to Muslims
    One of the various dirty tricks adopted by Arnab Goswami to push TRPs for Republic TV

    It was clear that Republic TV was trying to target Muslim citizens of India, who would have otherwise never watched the channel. Arnab was forcing them to watch the channel by sending such postcards. Unfortunately, Muslim society in India is still superstitious due to effects of Hindu culture, and such postcards are believed to have forced Muslims to watch Republic TV, thus pushing up the numbers.

    “This is criminal. Republic TV headquarter is in Mumbai, and in Maharashtra there is a law against superstition. Arnab Goswami should be immediately arrested and sent to jail,” Mr. Javed, Editor in Chief of Junta Ka Reporter said.

    Mr. Javed confirmed it with many of his Muslim friends and relatives, and almost all of them had received such postcards. They had further sent such postcards to many more people fearing Allah’s wrath. This alone is expected to have added at least 17% viewership (current population share of Muslims in India) to Republic TV.

    Muslims were target not just through postcards, but there are some reports that cow vigilantes too were used to threaten Muslims into watching Republic TV. AAP supporting independent and neutral journalist cum filmmaker Binod Kapri confirmed having witnessed at least one such incident on Twitter.

    “I saw a gau-rakshak threatening a Muslim shopkeeper in Bandra that he will attack his shop and spread rumors about beef eating if he did not watch Republic TV all the time,” Mr. Kapri told Junta Ka Reporter. Mr. Kapri said that it was tragic that Muslims were being forced to watch news against secular leaders like Lalu Yadav and Shashi Tharoor.

    16% BJP supporters and 17% Muslims together account for 33%, but Republic TV could get 52% market share. Experts believe that this could be due to hacking of remote controls by the BJP IT cell.

    “It takes just 30 seconds to replace the motherboard of a remote control,” Saurabh Bhardwaj, an IT expert told Junta Ka Reporter, “I think they have targeted remote controls of people so that whatever button is pressed, TV shows Republic channel.”

    With such shocking revelations coming out, one expects that Republic TV is banned for indulging in such unfair and illegal practices. But sources tell Junta Ka Reporter that the Narendra Modi led government of India has asked Arnab Goswami not to worry as they will not take any action against his channel.

    In such a scenario, we expect independent governments in Bihar, Delhi, Kerala and West Bengal to ban Republic TV and save journalism in India.

  • Delhi man cured of Chikungunya after converting to Islam

    Delhi man cured of Chikungunya after converting to Islam

    NEW DELHI: In a miracle of sorts, a man Rajesh Jhunjhunwala was cured of Chikungunya when he decided to accept Islam – the religion of peace – and become a practicing Muslim. Rajesh was diagnosed with symptoms of the diseases this morning, but doctors found no such symptoms after his first afternoon prayer as a Muslim.

    “This is miracle, we have to accept,” Dr. Satyendra Sisodia of Mohalla Clinic in Rohini told Junta Ka Reporter, “We gave him some medicines in the morning, but medicines can’t show effects so soon. This indeed is a blessing from the almighty.”

    After accepting Islam, Rajesh has taken up the name “Rifat Javed” as he claimed that he got the idea of converting to Islam after reading tweets of a person of the same name.

    “That person publishes pamphlets for Aam Aadmi Party and tweets in support of AAP, and I was following him to troll him,” Rajesh said, “But this morning when I read his tweets on how beautiful it was to convert to Islam and why Indians should try it tout, I somehow didn’t feel like trolling him. I was already depressed because of the diagnosis showing Chikungunya symptoms.”

    “Some inner voice told me that maybe I got Chikungunya because I used to troll Rifat Javed too much. So I decided to atone for my sins by becoming a good Muslim like Rifat Javed. And lo and behold! I got cured within hours!” a visibly happy Rajesh-turned-Rifat said.

    The news of Chikungunya being cured due to conversion to Islam has spread like wildfire and sources tell us that many Delhi residents are now planning to become Muslim and change their names to Rifat Javed to escape the epidemic.

    While this has potential to keep the capital city safe, main opposition party BJP is threatening to bash up anyone becoming a Rifat Javed.

    “This is a rumor spread by AAP’s Mohalla Clinic to turn people into AAPtards,” a BJP worker claimed.

    But AAP has rejected such charges by biased BJP workers.

    “This is shameful. BJP bhakts just think about politics while we think about wellbeing of people. We will provide security to people becoming Rifat Javeds,” AAP spokesperson Ashutosh said.

  • Manish Sisodia seen sad and concerned for Delhi while taking selfie in Brazil

    Manish Sisodia seen sad and concerned for Delhi while taking selfie in Brazil

    SAO PAULO, BRAZIL: It is slowly becoming clear that Aam Aadmi Party leaders and ministers in Delhi cabinet are helping people of Delhi even though they are not physically present in Delhi.

    A day after it was known that Health Minister Satyender Jain was finding herbs in Goa to cure Dengue, it has now been discovered that even Deputy Chief Minister Manish Sisodia has been thinking about people of Delhi while being in Brazil.

    On Wednesday, the party released a selfie that was taken by Sisodia while he was moving around in Brazil. Sisodia is seen sad and is not even smiling, though he is seen to be present at a high point somewhere in Brazil.

    “People get excited even when they are on a terrace and taking a selfie with three or four buildings in the background. Here Manish was standing at the top of a mountain and yet he was not showing any excitement. Why? Because he was concerned for people of Delhi!” AAP leader Ashutosh said.

    “Go to Google and search for Modi selfies. Modi is smiling in all of them. Does media have the guts to question Modi?” Ashutosh further argued as he distributed copies of Sisodia’s selfie to journalists.

    Later on in the press conference, Ashutosh started crying over people dying due to Dengue and Chikungunya. He left the press conference mid way, after which Dilip Pandey took charge.

    “This is the level of humanity in our leaders. Ashutosh is crying while thousands of miles away Sisodia is also sad. What about Modiji? Where is he? Where is LG? Where is MCD? Have you seen them crying or sad?” Pandey posed.

    The counter by AAP has left BJP dumbfounded. The party failed to produce a single selfie where Prime Minister Narendra Modi was seen sad and worried for India.

    “They might claim that Modi is not sad because ‘achchhe din’ are here. But that will be a lie. AAP cares for people while BJP cares only about selfies,” neutral journalist Abhay Kumar Dubey told Junta Ka Reporter.

  • Delhi Health Minister is in Goa to bring herb that cures Dengue and Chikungunya

    Delhi Health Minister is in Goa to bring herb that cures Dengue and Chikungunya

    PANJIM: Aam Aadmi Party has responded to the controversies over Satyender Jain, Health Minister in the Delhi government, being away in Goa when people were dying due to Dengue and Chikungunya. AAP has revealed that a concerned minister was in Goa to get medical help for people.

    “We are not like Modi who travels abroad and does nothing,” AAP spokesman Ashutosh said, “Arvind Kejriwal had sent Satyender Jain to Goa as he had got information that there are special herbs in Goa that can cure diseases like Dengue and Chikungunya.”

    Ashutosh showed a WhatsApp forward that was received in the group created by Arvind Kejriwal to govern Delhi. The forward talked about some herbs in spice plantation of Goa, which could cure people of such deadly diseases.

    “This is like Ram sending Hanuman to bring Sanjivani Booty. Will BJP now insult Ram and Hanuman too?” Ashutosh asked.

    Ashutosh further informed that the moment he receives an update in the WhatsApp group from Satyender Jain about finding the herbs, he will inform people who are needlessly running to hospitals, which are not being allowed to function by the L-G Najeeb Jung.

    When a journalist asked how could a government trust information received in WhatsApp forwards without due diligence, Ashutosh asked him not to be a Modi agent by indulging in dalaali.

  • Colonel Sehrawat’s feud with his father not a family matter, clarifies AAP

    Colonel Sehrawat’s feud with his father not a family matter, clarifies AAP

    NEW DELHI: Aam Aadmi Party has clarified that the feud between Colonel Devinder Kumar Sehrawat, who is party MLA from Bijwasan constituency in Delhi assembly, and his father over some property is not a family matter and that the Colonel deserves strictest of punishment for having a dispute with his dad.

    “We are shocked that Modi’s police is not doing anything to arrest Devinder Sehrawat, who has been accused by his father of trying to hurt him,” AAP spokesman Ashutosh said in a press conference, “There is a deal with Narendar (Modi) and Devinder (Sehrawat) to attack Kejriwal.”

    AAP was responding to allegations that the party was making an issue of Sehrawat’s feud with his father, but was dismissing charges against its MLAs like Amanatullah Khan and Somnath Bharti as “family matter”.

    “You have to be a low IQ person to compare these cases,” Ashutosh said, “In both Amanatullah’s and Somnath’s case, it was a question of a man and woman, here it is a father and a son. This is like comparing apples with oranges.”

    “Trying to grab a property is a serious charge, this can’t be compared with family matters like trying to grab a woman,” the AAP spokesperson further said, “Anyone doing this is comparing women with property and this is an insult to women!”

    It should be noted that Colonel Sehrawat had recently claimed that the Aam Aadmi Party was not safe for women as many of its leaders had been exploiting women under pretext of politics and social service.

    On Twitter, he even hinted that even Arvind Kejriwal was not above the mark:

    The accusations by Sehrawat were denied by AAP and it presented proof that Sehrawat was a bad man who was not taking care of his father. In fact, his father had complained to the Delhi Chief Minister more than six months back, but Narendra Modi government did nothing in the case.

    When a biased reporter from Zee News asked how could Narendra Modi government be blamed if Colonel’s father had complained to the Delhi Chief Minister, Ashutosh asked him to leave the press conference and reminded everyone that L-G of Delhi was a Modi agent.

    “L-G checks all our files. Why did he not check the file against Sehrawat? This is a clear conspiracy of BJP against Arvind Kejriwal,” the former journalist argued.